What exactly does Unique mean anyway

May 15, 2017

Subject: Just Got a Unique Sr./Lead UI Role!

A brand-new UI role just landed on my desk and I thought of you! Not unique It’s with COMPANY, a well-funded startup

Really not unique

in the computer vision space that creates full 3D reconstructions - all with a simple app.

Ok, semi-unique, I guess?

I think you’d make a great ground-floor addition to their small (but rapidly growing) engineering team.

Where have I heard that before…?

I’ve included some light info for you to peruse, and I’d be happy to send over the role description.

I can’t wait to find the unique bit! Let’s dive in!

About Us: Via cutting edge deep learning and computer vision technology,

“Cutting edge deep learning” - that’s where you use off-shelf-libraries to overanalyze problems with much more efficient solutions?

COMPANY allows anyone to create accurate 3D buildings by simply taking a handful of photos with their smartphone.

Why do I sense you’re holding a few air quotes behind your back?

From home improvement to commercial property management and insurance, the goal is to change the way you see the world

Ah, yes a startup “changing the world” - how unique

by building the world’s most comprehensive and accurate database of physical properties.

tl;dr a giant database of people’s houses with no accountability for it! Sadly, collecting a trove of personal data is the least unique bit so far

So one-sixth of a Juicero

That’s a painfully low ratio for a startup trying to bring new tech to market

I’ve yet to receive a recruiting email that doesn’t claim this

I should check this out, eh? How’s about you just tell me, in this pitch?

Future suggestion: get better recruiters

Alright, I went to their site and checked out the “Extensive benefits and company perks”. Here’s what I found

Competitive salary and meaningful equity in a fast-growing company


Comprehensive medical, dental, and vision coverage for you and your dependents

Actually, not bad!

Unlimited and flexible vacation policy

Why’s it need to be flexible if it’s unlimited?

Commuter benefits

As required by law

Fully stocked kitchen

As required by unwritten startup law

Outdoor balcony complete with gas-powered grill

“gas-powered” wins the “Least necessary adjective” award!

MacBooks are our standard, but we’re happy to get you whatever equipment helps you get your job done

“We equip you with the tools you need to do your job” (Also required by law)

All the office toys you can dream of

I dream of an office with zero toys

A diverse, talented, passionate group of teammates!

“Passionate”, AKA “We think working long hours for low pay is normal”

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