Buzzword Quota

May 23, 2017

Senior Front-End Engineer Javascript frameworks Node.js opportunity at startup enabling world trade for small businesses-proven founders and major investors

…do you have a buzzword quota?

NAME here. I recruit front-end and full-stack engineering roles for venture-backed, game-changing disruptive companies.

“game-changing”, AKA distributing the latest World of Warcraft patch.

I am reaching out today about a Senior Front-End Eng role with COMPANY in Menlo Park. COMPANY is a Series B stage startup located in Menlo Park out to create a new class of micro-multinationals. They were founded in 2015 and launched their platform in January 2017.

Pretend I don’t know anything about COMPANY (unlikely, as this is the sixth email you’ve sent me). What on earth is a “micro-multinational”? Should I ask my doctor about them? Is it the latest diet craze? “Microservices, but for the Philippines?”

COMPANY provides a reliable and secure environment for establishing, conducting, managing, documenting, paying for, and evaluating business relationships; enabling small to mid-sized business to engage in global commerce in a way they have never been able do before.

I’ll be honest here, I still have no idea what you do. You could replace that paragraph with this gif:

business cat

COMPANY brings the latest in Natural Language Processing & Machine Learning to businesses across the globe, to make globalization reachable to every business,

I mean, if you’re going to speak in nothing but buzzwords, might as well go all out, right? Machine Learning - so hot right now.

matching buyers with a selection of the right service providers at the right price.

All those fancy words to say you’re Yet Another Marketplace. The lesson here is that fancy words usually mean there’s nothing behind them.

The founders have a proven record that includes five successful startups, all resulting in impressive exits. One of which, OTHER_COMPANY, sold for $500 Million.

And yet they chose to start a sixth company instead of buying a private island or a juicing machine?

COMPANY is backed by a star-studded group of investors who are providing significant expertise in addition to their substantial capital investment.

Expertise in everything but writing recruiting emails

COMPANY’s initial focus is on the verticals of marketing, legal, energy, environment, and social impact, with more to follow

After those verticals, what’s left? Direct-to-consumer papaya delivery?

If you are interested in learning more, send over your resume and you and I can set up an initial talk.

How’s about you tell me literally anything about the job you want me to do?

Pls do let me know either way.

After an InMail dense with polysyllabic words, you abbreviate ‘pls’?

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