InMailFail

'"Junior" as in "Bill Gates, Jr"'

April 14, 2017

Dear Randall Koutnik Seeking a Jr. Software Developer MVC, Java, SQL, Oracle for a fulltime employee position in Folsom, CA

It’s an email title, you don’t need to run it past the SEO guy.

Dear

That’s fairly intimate already! Will I get dinner out of this?

Please help pass along to colleagues or associates below position who are looking for new role. IF you are not available

Title : Jr. Software Developer

Location : Folsom CA

Salary – 70k

Don’t worry! I’ll spam my whole network with your terrible job just for you, so long as that dinner is good.

Mandatory Skills

Wasn’t that a Weird Al album?

Required to be US Citizen with the ability to obtain Federal DoD security clearance

It looks like my days of rotating school desktops 180 degrees have come back to haunt me.

  1. Formal computer science training and sound understanding and use of design patterns and theory, software engineering principles and structured development approach
  2. Experience with multi-tier business application development
  3. Demonstrated experience and proficiency with development of front end user interfaces, middle business application layers and back-end database design.
  4. Experience in all phases of the software development life cycle

You do realize “Experience” means “Not Junior”, right?

Desired

  1. MVC, Java . SQL, Oracle
  2. Professional coding in Java or .NET technologies
  3. Professional experience with Oracle or SQL Server database design
  4. Professional experience with mobile application development (Android or iOS)
  5. Professional experience with Model-View-Controller (MVC) software frameworks
  6. Professional experience with version control software, such as TFS
  7. Professional UX design, User Experience and User Accessibility and testing experience

Phew! That’s a lot for a junior to know. I’m thinking 5 years of “Professional experience” might not be enough to qualify. (Also, can we really call TFS “Version control software”?)

I’d be impressed if an entire team had this skillset. To throw it all in one “Junior” job is insulting.

Discussion, links, and tweets

I'm a developer who got one too many terrible InMails and snapped. Follow me on Twitter to affirm my life choices