So impressive, I didn't bother reading it

SUBJECT: Java Role With Initech

I took a Java course in college once!

Your background is awesome. From your education

Speaking of college, I dropped out.

to your experience at $CURRENT_JOB,

My LinkedIn says nothing more than the fact that I work there.

you've really set yourself up for success in the tech world!

Yep. Millions of dollars will come pouring my way aaaaany minute now.

I'm looking for a search specialist to work with their massive amounts of job-searcher and company data.

Something I've got zero experience in! Perfect!