Grand Theft Recruiter

I was just reviewing your resume and VERY impressed with your rockstar experience!

Closest thing I've got to "rockstar experience" is a solo for Jazz choir in 11th grade. If you think that's impressive, you should see my kazoo skills.

I have multiple opportunities, in different areas, I think you would be a great fit for!

A perfect match for completely different areas!

All of my contact information is below in this email but please give me a call on my direct line, [Omitted], so we can talk about these opportunities further!

Thank you and I look forward to speaking with you soon!

Someone should tell them that there are forms of punctuation beyond ! and ,.